Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
