I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
