You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
