I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
