I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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