I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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