do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
