apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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