She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
