I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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