I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
