I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
