he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
