We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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