My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
