Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
