Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
