I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
