I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
