I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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