he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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