the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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