conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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