Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
