so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
