She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
