i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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