I am puke
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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