I hate all girls vehemently.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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