My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
