As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
