my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
