just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
