8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
