Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My vagina is very pro this idea
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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