White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
