Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
