Christians are straight up FREAKS
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
BRING THE BAGELS
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
