Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
