Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Barsexuality is the new black.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
