i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
