WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
