You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
