I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
is wine microwaveable?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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