mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
