And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
