If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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