someone owes me an orgasm
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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