Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
