if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
